New Games
by Kalarin
Summary: There are so many duels between Yugi and Kaiba, Joey and Kaiba, Yami and Kaiba, Bakura and Kaiba...Here are some stories about the ones between Bandit Keith and Kaiba. A collection of Eliteshipping drabbles, with one Egoshipping. Post-canon.
1. Tag Team

I didn't find any Egoshipping stories, so I wrote one. The End.

Oh, wait, no it's not; the story's right below this.

Disclaimer: I do not own Yu-Gi-Oh or Simon.

-O-o-O-

The people in the neighboring hotel room must've been having a hell of a time deciding whether to report them for the noise or enjoy what sounded like a very odd radio show.

There was a tournament on in the town of Backgammon Hills, miles away from Domino City. Though the hotel accommodating them had them crammed, four to a small two-room suite swathed in shades of beige and eggshell white, the three occupants found ways to make it comfortable. The room had been dark for hours, but they didn't care. The duels were done for the day, but they chose to continue their match, only without one of their tag team partners.

A device in the center of the bed emitted maniacally fast-paced musical tones.

"Slow down!" A male's voice registered higher than he would have liked it to.

"What, can't you keep up?" a throaty male voice responded snidely.

"Are you callin' me slow?"

A female voice sighed. "You're both way too slow for me. We've been at this for hours."

"Not up to your speed, Valentine?" The second male drawled the name much the way he might with "Wheeler."

"With you both being men, I'd expected it to be quicker, but maybe I was wrong…"

"Hah. Sexist comments. Real mature."

"Says the youngest of the three." The female snickered. "Are you even legal, or are we criminals?"

"I'm twenty-one, and you know it."

"Why don't we shut up and get on with it?" the first male voice snapped in a more gruff voice. "I'm losing it."

"Why don't we switch positions for a while?" the female suggested.

"Fine." The males answered in unison.

For the next few minutes after the switch, there was nothing but rustling, a musical beeping, and the occasional frustrated muttering.

"Anything yet?" the first male asked.

"Nothin'," said the female.

A discordant beep sounded from the middle of the bed. A small slap of a card against skin could be heard.

"Try harder than that," the second male grumbled.

"I'll show you harder," the first male snorted. He reached over and gave something a nice tug.

"OW! It's attached to me!" the second male barked.

"Well, you said to do it…" the first male voice taunted.

Fingers loudly crinkled a mass of hair. "Do that again and see what happens."

"I'll be gentle." The first male voice was considerably more submissive.

"Why don't we take a short break?" the female suggested.

Bottles hissed open, then clinked. After they finished their drinks, more rustling, beeping, and grunts emanated from the bed.

Then: "Oh, god, I think I'm almost there!" from the first male voice.

Followed by: "Right behind you!" from the female.

Finally: "White lightning!" from the second male. Cards rained onto the floor noisily.

All three exploded, then began to laugh hysterically.

"You weren't kidding when you said this would be an extension of today's duel," the female quipped.

"I think I fold," the first male said, chuckling softly.

Just then, they heard a click and a beep from the door, which opened. The lights came on shortly after.

The newcomer dropped his key card when he set eyes on the drab hotel bed. The sheets were scattered on the floor, the pillows were stacked in the center, and the mattress was slightly crooked. A deck of regular playing cards sat on top of the pillow tower, next to the remains of a card house. Another full deck was scattered around the bed. Next to the tower of pillows was a "Simon" game device. On either night table and on the floor was a bottle of beer.

Even stranger were the people on the bed. Mai Valentine, Seto Kaiba, and Bandit Keith sat around the tower of pillows. Keith was reaching with his left hand for the ace of spades, which was taped to Kaiba's forehead, while his right hand pressed the buttons on the Simon game. The joker card was stuck to his chest. Kaiba brandished a rubber chicken and was in the process of kneeling over Keith's lap in a rather intimate way. Mai sat next to them, holding a hand buzzer. All three sat next to hands of cards, which lay on the bed. All three reeked of alcohol. All three were naked, or nearly naked, since Kaiba still wore his arm buckles.

It was like some novice artist's attempt at an edgy still life. That is, until the three turned to see Joey Wheeler, whose jaw looked ready to disconnect itself from the rest of his face.

"What…" Joey said.

"We got bored after the duels," Mai said, sliding closer to Keith. Keith put his arm around her waist, then Kaiba's.

"The competition wasn't as…_stiff_ as we liked," Kaiba added, his hands moving to Keith's thigh. Keith grinned and lowered his other hand to Kaiba's backside. The card fell off of his chest and into his lap.

"So we made our own challenge," Keith finished. The card in his lap flicked across the bed, but his hands remained firmly in place.

Joey tilted his head like an owl. He let his jaw work its way back up to its original position before speaking.

"Can I join?"

-O-o-O-

I think I might have created a new four-way ship. I couldn't find a name for this grouping anywhere.


	2. To Duel With You

I decided to just make this a collection of Eliteshipping (or Egoshipping) drabbles rather than clog up the site with one-shots.

This chapter is pure is crack. I wrote a song parody, then decided to write a story around it. I tried to make it funny and I tried to keep them in character, except for the singing. Hopefully, the words sound like things they'd say.

The lyrics are to the tune of "To Be With You" by Mr. Big. I could see Bandit Keith maybe listening to music that's more like some of their other songs. He probably wouldn't be singing a whole song, though (Kaiba definitely wouldn't).

To make it easier to read, singing is in italics.

Enjoy?

Disclaimer: I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh or "To Be With You."

-O-o-O-

The tournament was a bust.

Backgammon Hills was getting worse at throwing these things. They had the duelists packed in one of their three hotels, two to a room. Kaiba might have bribed the organizers so he could have his own room, if he wasn't trying a new strategy: he'd observe his opponent off the field (as well as on) to pick up clues on how to beat him. Bandit Keith didn't much care about the room assignments because he knew his roommate wouldn't annoy the hell out of him.

Yugi had to pull out at the last minute because he broke his leg while climbing a tree with Joey and Tristan. Most of the other top duelists didn't show either, for reasons unknown.

Needless to say, Keith and Kaiba were very bored until the finals, where they faced each other. This particular set of duels was timed, unfortunately, and it was declared a draw, as the two had similar life point counts and both had monsters of similar strength on the field.

"Who ever heard of a timed duel at the final level?" Kaiba muttered, in their shared hotel room. "Duels are supposed to have winners, and I was going to be one."

Keith rolled his eyes and leaned back on a cot. "How do you know I wouldn't have won?"

Kaiba smirked over at Keith from the couch. "Why don't we re-create the duel and see if you would have?"

They laid out the cards on the shag carpet, exactly the way they'd been on the table at the tournament hall. They began (or was it continued?) the duel, each looking over their hands to check the facial expressions of the other. The clock on the wood paneled wall ticked away.

"Why don't we raise the stakes a little?" Keith suggested.

"What do you have in mind?"

Keith shuffled the cards in his hand. "Every time one of us loses life points, the loser removes a piece of their clothing."

Kaiba snickered. "How juvenile. But, all right, since I'm going to win, anyway."

They continued the duel. Kaiba grabbed a card from his deck. He flicked it onto the field. He was able to do a special summon, so he flicked another card down. He flipped another card facedown.

A guitar intro sounded from nowhere and broke the silence. It was only rational that Keith started singing:

_"Slow down all your draws._

_You summon everyone so fast."_ Keith scratched his head and removed his black vest.

_"Hold on to your drawers;_

_Your life points aren't going to last."_ Kaiba slapped down another card.

_"Look at what I drew._

_I'm pretty sure I can match you."_ Keith flicked a card before laying it on the field.

_"You think your deck can overthrow me?_

_Whip it out, Keith, come on, show me!"_ Kaiba removed his white trenchcoat with a flourish.

Keith leapt up, singing:

_"I don't care if I look like a tool._

_All I wanna do is duel with you._

_Don't you dare hold back, take me to school._

_Wanna get a replay of our duel!"_ Keith played air guitar as he sang.

The music paused while Keith played another card. Kaiba raised an eyebrow and took off his boots. "I never hold back."

Keith grinned. "That's just how I like it."

Keith stood up and continued to sing:

_"Build up all my defense_

_And I'll come out on top of you._

_Flip cards and mattresses_

_Show you just what I can do."_ Keith flipped the mattress of the cot onto the floor.

_"I'll really go to town._

_My Barrel Dragon won't go down."_ He took off his pants, seeing the card Kaiba laid down.

_"Then bring it, fire it. It's not frightening._

_See if it can beat white lightning!"_ Kaiba uncrossed his legs and removed his pants.

Keith sang another chorus:

_"I can take you on 'cause I'm no fool._

_Even when you don't play by the rules._

_You can be as stubborn as a mule._

_That's exactly why I want your duel!"_ Keith took off his shirt as he sang the last line.

Kaiba looked at the field, which was filled with powerful machine type monsters on both sides. He looked up at Keith, a grin spreading across his face.

_"Both our machines can really work together nicely._

_I appreciate your guile."_ Kaiba ran a slender hand over Keith's well-muscled arm.

_"I can dig your fighting style."_ Keith took Kaiba in his arms and leaned forward, putting them both in a horizontal position. The two wrestled like young elephants all over the floor, not even caring that they were rolling on their cards and messing up the positioning.

Kaiba's shoulder hit a facedown card. He looked down at it, then up at Keith. "You've triggered my trap card," he said, flipping it over. He then flipped Keith over onto the mattress and pinned him down, singing:

_"You're almost my peer; you've much improved._

_But you're still no match for all my moves!_

_Sit back, and you surely will be schooled_

_In the proper way to end a duel!"_

Keith didn't even bother to fight back while Kaiba straddled him.

_"Trying really hard to keep my cool._

_Your white lightning's over fifty joules!_

_Lined up at the door behind the rules._

_You can screw me next in our duel!"_

Kaiba leaned down close to Keith.

_"Shut up and enjoy the after-duel."_ He pulled the covers from the bed over himself and Keith.

Ten minutes of rustling under the covers and the mattress bouncing ensued. They resurfaced, Keith, wearing a goofy smile, Kaiba, wearing a triumphant grin. Those expressions just happened to be the only things they were wearing.

Keith was falling asleep when Kaiba turned to face him. "Let's have another duel."

Keith opened his eyes and looked up lazily. "Boy, are you trying to kill me?"

-O-o-O-

Writer's block made me do it.


	3. Bandit Keith's Favorite Machine

OMG Kaiba asked about Bandit Keith in Yugioh Abridged Episode 52; THEYZ IN LUVV. And he widened his eyes when Keith said he's an American! THEY ARE SOUL MATES, CAN'T YOU SEE.

I'm just kidding. That's something only a crazy fanboy/girl who writes his/her favorite ships in crackfic would even dare to say.

Oh, wait.

Disclaimer: I do not own Yu-Gi-Oh or anything mentioned in this story.

(I wrote this as a joke.)

-O-o-O-o-

**Bandit Keith Polishes His Favorite Machine**

Bandit Keith loved machines, especially sentient ones.

Keith stared at the fine combination of metallic and fleshy material in front of him. He breathed onto the silvery white coat and began to rub a cloth in slow circular motions over the slight protrusion at the back. When he could see his reflection in the fabric, he folded the cloth into a bunch with a cleft and pressed it to his partner's toned but ample posterior (Keith was one of the few to bear witnesses to the magnificence of this gluteus maximus). He could tell the other man was enjoying it; the cloth against his rear was almost identical to the sensation of someone kissing it. Keith's partner liked to have that area kissed, that much was certain.

"Instead of having you buff my trenchcoat, why don't we actually do something?"

Keith grinned up at his partner, who stood by the bed. "Huh. I figured you'd want to see your reflection when I have you throwing your legs up in the air, screaming, 'Oh, Keith, more, more!'"

"Ha! How do you it's not going to come off when we get into it?" His partner turned around to face him, his cocky dueling face in full display.

"How do you know it's not gonna come off right now?" Keith leaned in as close as he could from his sitting position.

"'Cause it's not coming off until I say it is." A metallic rustling and the trenchcoat resembled scrap metal on the nearby chair. "Call me your robot overlord."

"I always thought that thing was part of you, or something." Keith said, lying back on the bed.

"Don't know why. It's a piece of clothing." His partner removed his shirt, revealing pale skin covered in odd little birthmarks that looked like serial numbers, and lay down on the bed. Keith grabbed the oil from the night table and started polishing. He knelt over the pair of long legs while his robot overlord made himself comfortable. A burst of music interrupted them.

Keith jumped back a foot. "The hell was that?"

His partner sighed, exasperated. "Ignore it."

"Whatever." Keith leaned forward. The electric guitar riff started up. Keith recoiled again.

"Are you going to get on with it, or are you going to sit there and stare?" His partner drummed his long fingers on the bed.

"I want to know why you've got a Van Halen concert in your pants," Keith said.

"It's not your concern. Can't you just run with it?"

"I'll try, but I can't make any promises."

Keith leaned over once more, making sure to keep himself at least an inch off his partner's lower body. He rubbed the oil over the torso in front of him. Keith hoped the guy wasn't going to start shooting sparks out of his nipples, like he'd done last night. It didn't start a fire, but it would have been a disaster if it had. The whole forest could've burnt down.

Not to mention Keith was drunk as hell last night. Between the two of them, they were a walking potential "Jackass" episode.

Keith moved his hands lower and worked the sides of his partner's waist. His partner writhed under him.

"Oh, you like that?" Keith massaged harder.

"Keep it up," came the raspy whisper.

Keith kept it up. The results were theatrical.

"Oh, gods-that-I-don't-believe-in-and-other-hocus-pocus-nonsense!" He rolled about on the mattress. Keith grinned and rubbed faster. "Don't back down on me now…Ohhh…You've triggered my…White lightning!"

Keith continued to massage, even as his partner's head spun around three hundred sixty degrees. He leaned closer, making sure to avoid the mullet whipping about.

As Keith reached lower, his knees slipped and he landed square on his partner's butt. The electric guitar squealed from under the black pants.

Keith rolled off of Kaiba, whose head stopped spinning like Regan MacNeil's. The guitar solo continued, squealing into an ear shattering register. As Kaiba stopped tossing, the music died down, ending with a great clash of chords. He let out a heavy breath and when his eyes stopped rolling back, he looked up at Keith.

Keith quit playing air guitar when he realized the music had stopped. He and Kaiba exchanged satisfied expressions, though Kaiba was showing a hint of amusement.

Keith shrugged. "Well, you said run with it."

-O-o-O-o-

Good night.


	4. Bandit Keith Waters the Shrub

This one is short.

It has toilet humor. That's not going to be a regular theme in these stories.

Disclaimer: I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh.

-O-o-O-o-O-

Screw remembering last night, Keith had alcohol.

Well, his current partner was all about forgetting the past, right? It seemed to be catching, since Keith woke up and wondered when his trailer grew shag carpet until he realized he was in a rented cabin in the woods. He vaguely remembered the short duel—or, it was short according to his memory. Maybe he shouldn't have suggested they take a shot every time they lost life points.

And every time a monster was sent to the graveyard.

And every time a trap card was played. How many freaking trap cards did Kaiba have? And how the hell was he better at holding his liquor than Keith?

None of this mattered now, of course, because Keith forgot where the bathroom was. He groped around the darkened cabin—occasionally the other occupant groped back, though not consciously—until he realized the outhouse was behind the cabin, not in it. Otherwise, calling it an outhouse would be pretty brainless.

Keith opened the cabin door and his head exploded. He'd forgotten the sun was going to rise again too, apparently. So there was no way he'd even see the outhouse, since he was blinded. Fine. He could just feel his way around. It wasn't like he hadn't done it before.

He stumbled a foot to the right and hit a bush. He had to open his eyes a crack to make sure he wasn't dreaming. An honest-to-god bush, no lurking animals, no poison ivy, no drunken camper in a sleeping bag. Oh, happy day. He could see the halo around it and everything.

Naturally, he answered nature's call.

Back in the cabin, the other occupant, having been mistaken for the edge of the bed, woke up and realized that he, too, needed the toilet. Unlike his partner, he remembered the previous night and the location of the outhouse. He started toward it until he saw the figure standing by the nearby shrub.

Kaiba crept up on Keith. He greatly enjoyed Keith's jump and slight loss of aim at his comment. "Impressive. I can do it, too."

Keith smiled. This was the one thing he could beat Kaiba at while drunk. "Bring it on."

-O-o-O-o-O-

Bandit Keith won their little contest. But it wasn't In America! so it didn't count.


	5. That Came Out Wrong

**Skip this chapter if you don't like sex-related content. It doesn't have graphic smut, but it is mentioned.**

This was inspired by someone's fanfiction confession. They said they wanted to see more stories where things don't go the way they're supposed to, or the characters have trouble getting aroused. Another person (maybe on a different site) said they wanted to see more foreplay. I decided to write about all of that in this story.

Yes, I know I said I don't write sexual-type things unless I try to make it humorous. This is a rare occasion. I just wanted to try my hand at it.

This is also a reason why I don't often write them. They usually come out like this.

Also, there's no actual penetration, just mention of anatomical functions.

Like the other chapters, Kaiba is twenty-one years old in this (it's post canon).

-O-o-O-o-O-

It was just another night in Bandit Keith's trailer: a rousing duel, a bottle of Jack, and the thin walls ringing with trash talk.

"There's not a card in your deck that could beat my Blue Eyes," Kaiba taunted. "So why don't you just give up and cut to the after-duel?"

"'Cause my Barrel Dragon's gonna make scrap metal out of him after I play this." Keith laid down his "Seven Completed" magic card, bringing his attack points to 3300. "Unless you can get back the other two dragons, I don't see that happening."

Then something peculiar, but familiar (at least to Keith) happened. Kaiba's mouth twitched. His pupils dilated. The veins on his slender hands protruded even more than usual. A wild gleam crept into his blue eyes and Keith could've sworn the guy was salivating.

And there was a definite bulge in the crotch of his black pants.

Keith tore his eyes from the bulge to Kaiba's face. "Now?"

Kaiba's lips barely moved. "Right now."

Keith stripped down as fast as he could. When Kaiba got into these moods at the climax of the duel, it was best to go with it, not that Keith had any complaints.

"Hurry up. I'm nearly there." Kaiba writhed on the sofa bed as he removed his pants. His thighs rubbed against his erection, sending him into further convulsions.

Keith took out his own penis, put the lubricated condom on, and began to jerk.

"You're never gonna beat me at this rate," Kaiba breathed. He touched his forearm right where the duel disk would be. "Ohhh…"

Keith wanked harder. How the hell did Kaiba get there so fast?

"Stick it in already," Kaiba moaned. He was close; Keith could hear it from the lack of enunciation.

Keith looked down. "Nope. Can't get it up."

Kaiba ejaculated with his voice and his penis. "What?"

"It's just not happening tonight. I don't know why." Keith prodded his limp member, as if to rouse it from an unexpected nap.

Kaiba stared incredulous. "You, of all people, can't get it up?" He snickered and lay back. "Wow. I never expected you to go soft."

"Hey! I can go hard as your fancy machines, Rich Bitch!"

Kaiba folded his arms over his chest. "Sure you could. But right now, you're looking more like my old disk drive."

Keith grinned. "Heh. So I'm harder now?"

Kaiba smirked. "No—floppy."

Keith growled. "I'll show you who's floppy!"

Keith grabbed his member and began to wank again.

And boy howdy, did he wank. He did it left-handed, right-handed, both-handed, no-handed with his foot. He cranked it back and forth like he was about to Superman that Seto. He whipped it around like a windmill. He pumped it harder than a gas station in the seventies. He even shook it like a Polaroid picture and let Kaiba flick playing cards at it (very gently, though).

"Face it, Keith. It's just like how our duel would've turned out." Kaiba put the deck of laying cards down. "Your monsters have gone flaccid." He picked up the Joker and flicked it at Keith's crotch.

The Joker hit Keith at precisely the right angle. His penis shot up like the cannons on his Barrel Dragon. But before he could make his next move, he misfired.

Right on Kaiba's forehead.

Kaiba went cross-eyed as he stared at the dripping whitish clump on his face. Strangely, he didn't look angry—just a little dazed. He alternated between staring at it and the tear in the condom Keith was wearing.

Keith wiped the end of penis with a tissue and tried to hide his laughter. "I guess that was a premature Burst Stream."

Kaiba sniffed and went to the sink to wash his face and hair. "Nice aim," he replied nonchalantly.

-O-o-O-o-O-


End file.
